The Courage to Bridge

2/16/26

The Courage to Bridge

“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known.”

– Brené Brown

When Silence Is Easier

Sooner or later, every relationship runs into a quiet crossroads. Something just feels off. At first it is small enough to ignore. You can smooth it over and keep moving, or you can name it and risk the moment getting messy.

That risk is vulnerability. It’s choosing to be seen when your instinct is to protect yourself. It’s taking off your armor. Not because you’re weak, but because you want true connection. Love doesn’t ask for perfection; it asks for presence. The kind that shows up even when silence is easier.

The Work of Love

Being in a committed relationship means agreeing to live life together, not just side by side. It’s the journey of learning, unlearning, forgiving, and trying again. And yet, so many relationships drift apart because people forget why they started. They lose the plot of their story.

Every love begins with aspiration. With the hope of growing, creating, and becoming more together than we could alone. But over time, we stop noticing each other. We get busy. We let small disappointments turn into walls. We let hurts turn into armor.

It’s not the absence of love that kills a relationship. It’s the absence of attention. When we stop paying attention, we stop cultivating love. And the garden withers.

Remembering the Plot

Something couples often misplace quietly, almost without noticing, is the first intention: the reason they mattered to each other in the first place.

Divorce lawyer James Sexton has described marriage at its best as the moment you can look at one person and think, with complete certainty, You’re my favorite person. Not out of habit. Not out of comfort. Because it’s true. He then offers the blessing he wishes people would give in a wedding toast: that after a long lifetime together, they could say, He/She helped me become the most authentic version of myself. And you’re still my favorite person.

When relationships “die,” it’s rarely one loud event. It’s the slow disappearance of that story. People stop remembering what they were trying to build. They stop protecting what they once hoped would be real. They stop showing up with the same care they used to bring naturally.

Vulnerability

One way to reconnect with the original plot is a weekly reset. Something simple and intentional that brings you back to your relationship’s origin story. It helps you remember what you promised: the kind of life that you said you’d build together. Before the noise. Before the drift. Before you forgot what you were trying to create.

Vulnerability doesn’t have to be a weakness. It can be strength. To look at your partner and say, “Here’s what I love about you, and here’s what I hope we can work on together,” is an act of deep respect. It says, “I see you. I choose growth with you.”

Make it a ritual

Here’s a practice that’s both simple and surprisingly powerful. It is directly echoed in Sexton’s suggested exercise: “Here’s three things I love about you… Here’s three things you did this week that made me feel loved… Tell me three things I could have done better…”

(10–15 minutes, same day/time weekly)

• Phones away. Sit facing each other.

• You can do this verbally or write a letter to each other if it supports better communication.

• One intention: reset, not litigate.

1: “Things I love about you” (Partner A → B, then switch)

• Name 2-3 specific traits you admire (not generic praise).

• Example format: “I love your ___ because it shows up when you ___.”

2: “Things you did that made me feel loved” (A → B, then switch)

• Name 2-3 concrete moments from this week.

• Say the impact: “When you ___, I felt ___.”

3: “One thing that would help me feel more loved” (Request, not critique)

• Ask: “Would you be open to hearing something that would help me feel more loved next week?”

• Share 1 actionable request (behavioral, small, measurable).

• Use: “Next week, could you ___?” / “It would mean a lot if you ___.”.

4: “How I’ll Support You Better” (Self-reflection, not self-defense)

• Say: “One reflection that I had this week was ___, and I will work on doing ___ instead so that I can better support you.”

• Name 1 specific pattern you noticed in yourself (no excuses, no blaming).

• Commit to 1 concrete action (small, behavioral, measurable).

• Use: “I noticed I ___, and I think it lands as ___. Next week, I will ___.” / “One way I want to support you is ___, starting with ___.”

5: One-minute reconnect

• Each person says: “This week I’m most excited to do ___ with you.”

• End with a hug/kiss/handhold: something physical and simple.

Throughout this process, keep in mind that you are working on building connection, not writing a performance review.

Principles to Keep in Mind

After you’ve done the weekly reset exercise, use these principles to carry that same intentional energy into the rest of your week:

• Stay curious, not certain. You’ll never fully “finish” learning your partner. And they won’t finish learning you. Keep asking, listening, and updating your understanding. Remember, it is your journey together.

• Prioritize attention. Notice the small things: a gesture, a tone, a kindness, an effort. Love grows where attention consistently goes.

• Name the pain without turning it into a verdict. Be honest about what hurts (“I felt lonely,” “I felt dismissed”), but don’t label the whole relationship as broken (“We’re doomed,” “You never care”). Treat hard moments as a temporary chapter you can work through, then ask: “What is this trying to teach us, and what do we need to adjust to feel close again?”

• Recommit to the story. Regularly ask, “What do I want our love story to be about?” Then choose one or two actions this week that align with that answer.

Purposeful Return

Love is not found. It’s cultivated. Every week, you plant new seeds or pull up weeds. It’s an ongoing act of creation, courage, and conscious attention. So, this week, let your partner truly see you. Within that brave space of vulnerability lies the miracle of connection. Reconnect and remember the Plot of your story.

Research Professor and Author

Brené Brown (1965–present) is an American research professor, author, and speaker known for her groundbreaking work on vulnerability, shame, courage, and empathy. Her research has inspired millions to embrace authenticity and emotional honesty as paths to real connection. Her insight reminds us that only by allowing ourselves to be fully seen can we cultivate love that’s deep, enduring, and alive.